The Shockmaster!

Venom Venom Venom Venom VENN-UMMMMMM!!!

Posted on 06.26.2007 at 21:40
The Gil-Monster is brought to you by: Topher Grace and Thomas Haden Church: good actors!
The doctors say I'm: amused
I'm headbanging to: Finntroll- Korpens Saga

...Bite me. The Dostoevsky Girl does not make hers Marvel. So we decided long ago to Dollar Theater the webhead.

Likely you've all seen Spider-Man 3 now, so I'm just going to spoil away.

  1. ...When did Alfred begin working for the Osborns? If I may say so, sir; I'd like to break my silence after two full-length feature films. I loved your father very much- even when he was raving about how the world would one day beg for his mercy.
  2. Thomas Haden Church is the shit. I've always liked him as an actor and he pulled off The Sandman beautifully.
  3. It's true, sir: your father gored himself over with his own Goblin Glider. Have you ever SEEN Spider-Man wielding a sword, dumbass sir? But that burned-up face of yours, that was all Parker, sir. ...Sir, would you mind not looking directly at me?
  4. Less Mary Jane; more Venom!
  5. The ending was handled wrong. Sandman was not and is not the kidnapping type, even if he does want vengeance on Spider-Man. "I didn't want this"...? Why'd you join up with the evil black toothy thing then? If only Venom's secret identity was that of a reporter: he could've used resources to discover that Sandman had a sick daughter. Then Venom could kidnap her, and forced Sandman into his nefarious plans. Cool, huh?
  6. Less Mary Jane, more Venom!
  7. WHAT is with this unwritten rule that states that everyone has to be somehow related to or acquainted with Peter Parker before they can fight Spider-Man? Norman Osborn = Green Goblin, Eddie Brock = Venom... fine; but excuse me: Sandman really killed Uncle Ben? Look, Spidey doesn't need any more reason to fight the Sandman than he's a hero and the Sandman is a bad guy the police can't stop! I mean, really; is this really how movie producers think comics would go if they didn't make everything so damned personal?:
    "Hey Bats!"
    "Hi Joker."
    "What's new?"
    "Stopping a counterfeit ring. My uncle died when he stubbed his toe on a nine-dollar-bill plate and his toenail got infected. You?"
    "Gonna dump my Joker Toxin into the Gotham City Orange Juice Factory."
    "Cool, thanks for the heads up. I'll just tell Alfred to drink grapefruit juice."
    "Alfred? Isn't he working for the Osborns now?"
    "No, that's a new guy: Plot Device."
  8. Less fricking Mary Jane, more VENOM!!!! Like a scene akin to Sandman's, where Venom learns HIS new powers in an awesome way...? He turned into a symbiote junkie really fast, huh?
  9. Hey, wait a minute! Venom IS a newspaper reporter!!!
  10. Did anybody else half-expect to see a talking brown Claymation Christian dog next to Peter throughout that film? Especially in any scene with Aunt May? "God wouldn't like it if Spider-Man killed, Davey."
  11. AND WHERE'S MY GODDAMN LIZARD??? That's THREE films now that I've been LIZARD-teased!

All in all though, I liked it.

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Comments:

Eva
[info]staciadevi at 2007-06-27 05:22 (UTC) (Spread the plague)
Ugh - I couldn't stand it, thoguht it didn't hold a candle to the first 2. Although I loved the Sandman. Topher Grace was just annoying, he made Venom uncool.

Yuck. I own the first two, won't be needing that drek though - sadly, just liek the X-men. If I ever see MJ hanging off of anything else just screaming again, I'm-a-gonna leap itnot he movie screen & knock the bitch off the edge of whatevah myself. Bleah.
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Gil Merritt
[info]the_gil_monster at 2007-06-27 05:34 (UTC) (Spread the plague)
Really? I actually thought he did a fine job as Venom. I was never really cool on the 'roid monster Venom became.

Marvel made Venom uncool a long time ago. "Lethal Protector"? Bluck.
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Rachel 2
[info]vespa331 at 2007-06-27 14:36 (UTC) (Spread the plague)
Yup, way too much of the same boring love-triangle, too much emo-Spidey (everyone keeps telling me that's in character, but he cries like 4 times in this film, come on), not enough Brock/Venom and Gwen Stacy. I still want to know what's up with the Eddie-might-be-stalking-Gwen thing. The Eddie-Peter relationship seemed so interesting, I really feel gyped that I had to watch Mary Jane instead. I really just wanted her to die. The action scenes were fantastic though.
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Gil Merritt
[info]the_gil_monster at 2007-06-27 15:10 (UTC) (Spread the plague)
Isn't she out of the 4th film? I heard that Kirsten Dunst was sick of the role or something.
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Matte Black
[info]grindbastard at 2007-06-28 05:15 (UTC) (Spread the plague)
There was an extreme amount of douchebaggery going on in Spider-Man 3. Spell-check just put a red line under douchebaggery...I swear, spell-check, you spell it that way.

I re-watched Ghost Rider with my wife a couple of nights ago since she hadn't seen it. A list like this about Ghost Rider would have to be at least 26,000 times longer.
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